Battle Bunny

Well I have a lot more to post about Mexico but I’ve been way super busy!

Gus Gus got fixed and the clinic tried their best to kill him. He spent the night at another vet’s office trying to sleep off the buckets of anesthesia that the clinic dumped into his system and getting pumped full of fluids since he was too doped up to lift his head and eat or drink. Grrrr! I’m still bitter. I took him to my regular vet today and he was given a clean bill of health. So he’s doing much better now and is happy to suck up hours of head petting.

Also, I got a new job! And not just a new job.. but a new job with state benies! And I am really loving it already. I’m missing my buddies at my old job, but I think I’m going to  be so much more successful with my new duties. And not worrying about how I’m going to afford to stay healthy takes a lot of weight off my shoulders.

And as advertised in my title, it’s my one year anniversary of being diagnosed. It was one year ago today that I heard the words “I have to at least think in the back of my mind that it’s leukemia” from the E.R. doctor. I remember feeling the world stop and this huge amount of fear settle in my chest. I looked at Kel and his eyes mirrored my fear. And then I remember saying to him, “What does that mean? How long do you live with leukemia?” and he didn’t know either. I didn’t even know what leukemia was at that point. I knew it was considered a cancer but if the doctor hadn’t told me that my white blood count was 10 times the normal amount, I wouldn’t have even known it involved the blood. The next day I underwent the bone marrow biopsy that would seal the deal.

I was scheduled to have my bi-annual biopsy tomorrow, but moved it to August so that I won’t miss any work after only 3 days on the job. So today I’m just glad to be plopped on the couch with Radar running around my legs and only thinking about the madness in my body long enough to make this post.

Really today is just bittersweet. If my current medication didn’t exist, the statistics say that I’d only live about 5 years after diagnosis. It’s amazing that this short little year that’s barely given me time enough to make sense of it all has already eaten up 20% of those 5 years. But my medication does exist. And that is something to celebrate. Also I’ve learned a lot about myself and my priorities. In a way I may be luckier than many people. If you’re told you’re going to die, you finally believe that you can die. And when you realize that you’re mortal, everything speeds up and you start to reduce everything down. You feel like you have to figure out who you are and what you care about immediately. Before my diagnoses I pretty much lived day-to-day and assumed I would decide what was important to me later. And even though its depressing, scary and overwhelming, I think being forced to face yourself so directly can really be a benefit, especially if you’re lucky enough to then live a long time.

Anyways! Enough. Just glad to be happy and healthy. One year in and hopefully many more to go…